what you see is what you get

Into every life some reality must fall. Just when you have yourself envisioned as the next Mary Engelbriet (or Picasso, or Madonna, or . . .) the cat gets sick and you haven't made enough money to pay the bill, or you get a rejection from a juried show, or you article query is declined. How you handle the challenging times is often a reflection of how "real" your vision of what you want to accomplish has become to you.

When I worked withcoaching clients, something I try to accomplish is to get them to have working visuals - maybe it is a collage of magazine photos, or maybe it is in their mind - but something that is real for them to represent where they are going.

I want to enter a caveat here. I once read that most people live their lives on 6 ½ year cycles. That makes great sense to me. While I do think it is important to have long-reaching goals; I think we must be very flexible with them. Everything you do will change you. We are the great shape-shifters. Each thing you learn, each person you meet, will have an effect on your life. That is why I say we must be flexible. What you learn today may make you realize that the BIG goal isn't really where you want to be 20 years from now. Some people feel like great failures when they come to a realization like this.
When it comes to goal setting, I like to concentrate on five or six year blocks. I think it is great to have a BIG goal for your life. If you are planning a trip, it is important to know, for example, that your ultimate destination is Europe when you are starting in California. That way you know that you shouldn't spend your entire transportation budget on a car, because that isn't going to do it.

That said, I think planning the trip from California to Arizona, then to Texas, and so on, is just as important. You may get to Texas and realize that Europe wasn't what you thought it was and where you really want to go is to China! To me, that is SUCCESS, not failure, because you are making decisions based upon what you have learned - not setting yourself up based upon an out-of-focus dream from your youth.

And that is what I mean by having a "real" vision of your goals. If your vision of Europe is from the fairytale books of your childhood, the reality of Europe would be something of a shock. It is important when you set a goal to learn as much as you can about what you want. Europe, to continue with our example, has some of the most beautiful cities in the world, but it also has areas of great poverty and desolation. If your goal is to go to Europe and help victims of Ethnic Cleansing, your experience would be very different from one whose goal was to shop in Paris.

When I talk to someone who tells me that they are procrastinating, I have generally found that either they do not have a real vision of their future, or they have learned something that has shaken that vision but they aren't quite ready to let it go.

When I was a teenager, my goal in life was to be an actress. I played the lead in high school plays, was on the speech team, etc. Then I went to college and began to learn the business. I hated it so much that I quit school. But because I was not yet ready to let go of that dream, and I had nothing to replace it with, I hung on and went to school to learn make up at a movie studio, and for several years worked as a make up artist and stylist. I told myself that working in the industry would help me make contacts to become an actress, but in all those years I didn't go to a single audition. I drifted for years, like the proverbial cork bobbing in the water, until I was so miserable that I went back to school just to do SOMETHING productive in my life.

I have written about the problem of "forever goals" before. You need to keep in mind that a goal is just a "dream". It isn't written in stone - and frankly it shouldn't be. You need to be able to adapt your goals to your life. The more you learn, the better you will get at divining your future.
To create a compelling "vision" of your reality, I suggest several exercises.

• " Buy three or four magazines. Each magazine should represent something different, for example you might get a trade magazine, a home magazine, an arts magazine, and a local magazine. Give yourself 30 - 45 minutes to go through all four magazines. Cut or tear out any photo or text that appeals to you (don't over examine this, if it appeals to you, pull it out) with the idea of representing your future. When you are done, trim the clippings and then glue them together. Don't worry about creating high-art here! You might join them by color or by theme. Just get them onto paper. I like to do this in journals - but I use very large (24") journals. You might prefer to do foam-core or poster board. When you are done, look at the photos and try to figure out what they represent. You may be surprised.
  
  
• " Choose a public figure in your industry, or a similar industry, and learn all you can about their path to success. When I learned that the two leading people in the industry I am interested in were making 45 million and 100 million a year, respectively, that completely changed my ideas about what was possible for my business. Go to a website like http://www.altavista.com/ and search for the person's name in quote marks (e.g. "tera leigh"). Most public figures have quite a bit of information online.
  
  
• " In a private journal, write about a perfect day. Where will you be when you wake up? What does it look like, smell like? Who is with you? Do you eat breakfast? Where do you work? How do you get there? Who do you work with? What does your workspace look like? Smell like? Sound like? Keep writing an account of your day until you are in bed closing your eyes to sleep. Once you have done that, write separate descriptions of your perfect house, your perfect workspace, and any people in your life that you have yet to meet. For example, I am looking to work with a business partner. Being very clear on what I want in a business partner helps me know who might fit the bill so I don't waste my time - or anyone else's time - barking up every tree I find.
  
  
• Having a clear vision of what you want gives you some perspective. That means when you get the rejection notice, or your spouse isn't as supportive as they should be, or whatever the reason, you can look at where you are going and know that this set back isn't such a big thing. It makes it easier to set aside your personal angst and get back to work.
  
  
• Another reason that having a strong vision is helpful is that your brain is something like a computer. It takes the data submitted and works with it without making judgments. I'm sure you've heard stories of athletes that use visualization before every putt, or every meet.
  Proponents of Neuro-Linguistic Programming say that there is no difference to our brain between actually doing something and visualizing doing it. Each time we imagine or do something a neurological "path" of sorts is created. The more times we do it, the deeper the path, and the easier to go down it. In other words, having a clear vision of what you want makes it easier to actually achieve it.
  
  
• When I say, "what you see is what you get" I want to make another point. What you imagine is very powerful. If, for example, you find yourself daydreaming about situations where you are in trouble and must be rescued, or you are the victim, you are creating a path for that as well. If you find yourself imagining negative circumstances, rewind the "tape" and play it again with a different ending. Such "corrective measures" will help change the paths in your brain and help you create the world you want instead.
  
  

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