what do you want to do with your life?

Let me start this by saying that if you are 30, or 40, or 50, or 60, or 70 or whatever your age . . . and you are still asking yourself this question - you should rejoice! Not knowing what you want to do with your life right now means you are still searching, growing, and changing as a person. It means you are alive.

The second point I want to make about not knowing what you want to do with your life is; you are not alone.

The most important point to make is this . . . you already know. It is just scary.

In her fabulous book, "I could do anything if I only Knew What it Was", Barbara Sher has several exercises to get you past your fears and onto what you are really meant to do. She begins by having you examine what you believe to be "meaningful work" - or work "worth" doing. For some people that might be work that makes you famous, for others it might mean work that makes a difference in the world . . . each of us have our own definition.

She writes, "Without an activity that really matters to you, you're going to feel empty, even if you've set yourself up in Paradise and are living the life of the rich and famous. If you're not involved in something you truly care about, anyplace can feel like a prison."

She goes on to make a terrific point - that is that many of the people who have made the greatest contributions to the world did not start out to do so. Einstein wasn't working to change the world when he was working on a theory of relativity. He just wanted to do "his work". The work seemed important and occupied his mind all the time but their efforts were "personal, self-absorbed, even selfish - or at least no one's welfare was in mind when they worked."

Many times people can describe what they do not want more accurately than what they want. She has another exercise in the book describing the job from HELL and the job "from heaven". Write down what you want to do, when and how often, whom you would do it with (if anyone), where you would work, etc. Write it out in detail. Would you work alone in a loft? Would you work in a big city or a small town? Would you work part-time or long hours?

If you can't write about the job from heaven, write down what you do not want to do. For me, this was easy: working full time in an office with fluorescent lighting, cubicles, and uptight people! What is the job from hell for you?

Finally, she has you write a movie description using your career as the premise. You can work with a buddy and give them your "what matters", heaven and hell lists and have them describe your dream job to you. (For example, they might say, "okay, you work in a studio by a lake all by yourself") As they say something you don't like, tell them no - and they'll come up with another option. (Okay, you work in a studio by a lake, and you share your space with two other artists.") Once the detail feels right, have them move on to the other points (when, how often, with whom, etc.)

If you don't have a buddy to work with, you can do this yourself by writing it down and then crossing out the things that don't feel right until you have something that really gets you excited.

Okay . . . here is the really scandalous thing I would add to all of this. Forget REALITY. If you are a 65-year-old 5'4" female and your dream job is to be an LA Laker - write it down. The thing is that those dreams probably hold a kernel of truth about what you want. Unfortunately there are some limits to what you want (not many 65 year old 5'4" basketball players) but maybe the clue is that you want to work in sports, and you want some degree of recognition for your work.

Another excellent exercise in Barbara Sher's book (I also recommend WishCraft by this author) is to write out your private fantasies. If you dream about being a basketball star, or the lead singer in a band, or an FBI agent, or a cowgirl - write out those fantasies. After you have them sketched out, look at them for common themes. If you want to be an FBI agent, for example, maybe you long for a little adventure in your life. If you want to be a star perhaps you need some recognition of your work. There is nothing wrong with fantasies - unless we retreat to them so often we forget to live.

All of us have voices in our heads that say, "forget it, you'll fail!" All of us. The way to get around this is to create a vision for your future in your mind that is so compelling that it pushes you past those voices (and all they are is voices - they have no basis in reality) to start moving in the direction of your dreams.

How do you get moving? Start a "to do" list. What is it going to take to get you where you want to go? Who do you need to know? What do you need to do?

For example, lets say you want to open a store, some things you might need are:

* SBA loan information
* A list of available storefronts in the area you are interested in opening your shop
* A list of vendors
* A resale license
* Storage space until you get store rented
* Information on hiring part-time employees
* Contact local Chamber of Commerce for information on demographics and marketing
* Contact SCORE or other mentor group for free help from a retired person on opening a store
* If you've never worked in a store before, consider a part time job at a local shop to get your feet wet.

I'm sure there are lots of other things . . . but that would be a start. None of those things are particularly scary. What can be scary is looking at the final goal and feeling overwhelmed at all you need to do. Just get started.

Now . . . just as you are getting all excited . . . be prepared to HATE what you find. Sometimes we are in the right ballpark but the wrong section and seat. You may think you want to open a store, but what you really want to do is be a manufacturers rep working with the industry instead of working with the public.

This is why no one makes you carve your "goal" in stone. It is a learning process. As you do research and get started, you may find out there is more to the industry than you realized and want to go in a slightly different direction - or maybe even a hugely different direction. That is okay. Do not - I repeat DO NOT - beat yourself up over changes in your goals.

Life is about moving and growing and doing. Relax. Just take the first steps and let the river take you where it flows.

*** If you enjoyed this article, you can subscribe to Tera's online newsletter!
Click HERE to subscribe. It's free!***