giving & living value, part 2

I ended part 1 of this article with this thought - the difference in the value of many things is the quality of the materials that go into making them. What is the value of your life? What is the value you provide to others in your work - and in the things you do for others? I believe that in order for you to fulfill your potential, you must start by valuing yourself. That means treating yourself well. It means demanding to be treated well by others.

So, did you think about these questions? I have spent quite a lot of time this month thinking this through. It seems to me that when we are determining what we value, whether with regard to others or ourselves, the starting point is what we believe and what we focus on.

What we believe

As soon as you have a belief, it begins to shape your experiences in a new way. What is a belief? A belief is something that you trust without doubt. For example, you may have a belief that you are funny, or that you are smart. You might have less positive beliefs like you tend to get lost easily, or you aren't good with money. We usually have some frame of reference for the belief: an experience, some sort of authority on the matter, or the word of someone we trust, for example.

Each of us has many beliefs - both positive and negative - or you might say both enriching and detrimental to us. The challenge with beliefs is that they are often based upon things that are not true, or which were taken out of context. I'll give you a personal example. I was a year ahead in school and as a result I was a year younger than my classmates were. For that reason, I was often more clumsy and less coordinated. I developed a belief that I was not athletic because I couldn't run as fast or as far. The truth is that I could run every bit as fast and far as a child my age, but the developmental difference between a four and a five year old is quite large.

As a result of that belief, I kept away from anything athletic until I was in my twenties and my brother and sister got into Tai Kwon Do and encouraged me to join them. I found out that I was every bit as athletic (although quite out of shape) as the other participants. I had limited myself by living my life by a belief that was based upon incomplete information -- and the perception I carried as a child!

Last night I had a conversation with a man who did not believe in God. I believe that each of us must come to our own understanding of God in our lives, and although I don't agree, I can respect someone who has made that determination. When we began to talk to him, however, he based that belief upon two factors a) historical examples of holy wars (his perception was that if there was a God he would not start a war in his name) and b) some misinformation he had been given about religion. (He had never been to church.) When we challenged him on these factors and explained that God did not start Holy Wars, etc. we shook his world. By the end of the conversation he had flip-flopped and said he did actually believe that there was a God and was explaining his rationale for that belief.

You can often determine what someone believes about life (or what their "rules" are) by if/then questions. For example, complete the following statements:

IF _________________________________ (take as much space as you need to fill in the blank), THEN I know I am loved.
IF _________________________________, THEN I know I am successful.
IF _________________________________, THEN I am an artist.

What is important about these sorts of beliefs is to understand that they are YOUR rules. You need to make sure that they make sense because often, like my belief formed at age four, we don't question them. It is important to make your rules as simple as possible because success begets success. Make it easy to follow your rules.

Some people think that if their rules are too easy they will no longer be motivated. For example, I have mentioned before my friend that feels that he has to make millions of dollars and run the company that he works for to be a success. In doing this, he is making it impossible for himself to enjoy or appreciate the terrific life that he has built for himself and he is driving away his beautiful, intelligent wife who is getting tired of being unappreciated.

The truth is that if you make it easy for yourself to succeed, you will be MORE motivated to take the next step. If, for example, you say in order to be successful I have to learn something every day that will bring me closer to my goals. Well, everyone learns something every day, right? In doing that, you are making it easy for you to succeed. Keep in mind that your RULES are different than your GOALS. If your rule is that in order to be successful you must reach your goals within 3 months, but your goal is to be a NBA star and you are 5'4 and 50 years old - you've got some problems!

Success is a journey. Don't let your achievement of your goals be how you define your success because you are always on your way to a goal. If success means crossing something off your list then you only get to feel successful every once in a while. Imagine how motivated and powerful you would be if you felt you were already a success!

Another way to find your beliefs is to do I AM type exercises. For example, I am creative. I am good at math. I am not good at math. I am a bad driver. I am a good artist. I am just learning (or just anything). Pay attention when you say I am, because this is what you believe to be true about yourself. List as many as you want.

I AM _______________
I AM _______________
LIFE IS _____________
PEOPLE ARE ________
SUCCESS IS ________

Beliefs control how you react to a situation. For example, if you believe that people generally can't be trusted - you will not be very likely to put yourself in a situation where you have to rely on someone else. If you believe that all red heads are liars, if you are put in a situation where you feel that someone has not been honest - are you more likely to make an assumption if there is a red head involved? You bet! The danger is that often that feels like instinct, and instead we are making an assumption based upon bad or incomplete information.

Now, in looking at this, do you perhaps have some beliefs that are limiting you? Recently I realized that I have a belief that limits me! I have often said that I am not good at math and not good with money. The other day someone I really respect told me how impressed they were with something I'd done financially and I realized that this was a really stupid and limiting belief! The truth is that I don't remember my multiplication tables off the top of my head - but I don't have to. I am very savvy with business, but I constantly shied away from money issues because I really thought that my inability to multiply 14 x 16 in my head meant that I should not deal with numbers. Well, duh! I have a calculator, a bookkeeper and an accountant!

What about you? What sorts of things have you believed about yourself, or others, that might be limiting the quality of your life, and the quality of the way you deal with others? Do you have some beliefs that just make no sense? Maybe things you were told when you were a kid, or things that your life experiences have taught you aren't true? The first step is to identify these limiting beliefs and then write down all the reasons that they are not true. Next, write down an empowering belief in its stead.

For example:

Old Belief: I'm not good at math.

Reasons not true: I am good with concepts. I can do any math I need using a calculator. I have a great head for business.

New Belief: I have great business savvy, and know where to go for help if I need it.

Okay, now it's your turn.

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