when the going gets tough . . .

Many times I have used the statement that "perception is reality" - meaning that what you believe to be true becomes true for you. However, what happens when you have conflicting perceptions or beliefs? Consider the following statements and how you feel about them:

What goes around comes around.
Nothing good comes easy.
If it is God's will (or is supposed to be), it will happen.
No pain, no gain.
When obstacles rise up in your way, maybe it is a sign that you aren't on the right path.

This month has been very challenging because something that I have been working on has become a bit of a nightmare tangle of work, difficult relationships, and deadlines. I believe in what I am doing. I know in my heart that I am going in the direction I need to be going . . . but suddenly it became so hard I began to question myself and what I was doing.

My first thought was . . . well, maybe I'm NOT supposed to be doing this. Maybe I just convinced myself it was the right thing because it was what I wanted. Maybe, Maybe, Maybe. . . .

When I began to experience difficulty in this project, I began to question whether what I was doing *was* the right thing. For several days I fought depression over the situation. I was so sure that I was doing the right thing, and yet the situation was getting harder and harder to deal with. I was overwhelmed! If this was what I was supposed to be doing, why was everything going wrong?

One night I was talking to Ken (my husband) about the problem and I realized that in the span of about ½ hour, I used five or six statements that directly contradicted one another. (And if there is one thing that husbands are good for, it is pointing out when you are being contradictory! LOL!) No wonder I was struggling! I had a belief system that was creating greater frustration for me. On one hand I believed that "what goes around comes around" - so when problems began to arise, we began to question if there was something in our lives that was not as it should be. On the other hand, we believed that "nothing good comes easy" and so we should keep working despite the unexpected difficulties. Under the stress of the situation, those conflicting beliefs were literally tearing me apart emotionally.

The subconscious mind does not rationalize. It believes what it is told without question. If you tell yourself that you are good at something, chances are you will be. If you tell yourself you are bad at something (I can't draw, I'm bad at math, etc), your brain won't even give you a chance to prove yourself wrong.

The delightful aspect of having this kind of brain is that we have the ability to question and change our beliefs. When I realized that I have developed a set of beliefs that were harmful to me, I could sit down and think through what I really believe to be true.

Life is like a long road with hills and valleys. If you choose to get out on that road and really live, you are going to experience ruts, flat tires, detours, and more. I realized that for me, the idea that if something was "meant to be" it would be "easy" made no sense. If that were true, we'd all have perfect lives as long as we lived well.

I don't believe in the adage "no pain, no gain". Many wonderful things happen in life with little or no effort on our part. I also know that the things that happen to us have nothing to do with how "good" or "bad" we are. Bad things do happen to good people - but not because we are good or bad, but because we are living and the things other people do also affect us.

Conversely, good things can happen to people who do bad things. However, "what goes around" does "come around". Some friends of ours (another couple) who were also active on the internet very early in its evolution decided that other people were getting rich off of some of the shady sides of the net. They came to us and offered us a deal to put together pornography sites with them. Ken and I discussed it and decided that neither of us would feel comfortable with it. We didn't want to make our living doing something we would be embarrassed to tell someone else about. They told us that they weren't going to tell anyone what they were doing, but they wanted to be able to "cash in" on their technological abilities in this way.

Our friends went on to build a very big and successful business working with adult film companies. Last year they personally made about $500,000.00 from the business. About two months ago they separated and are now going through a divorce. The stress of doing something they did not feel comfortable with slowly began to crack their marriage apart. Yes, they did make a lot of money - but in the process they are losing something so much more valuable.

There are consequences to our actions when we do things that fall outside our comfort zones. Yes, you may benefit on one level, but that does not mean that there will not be other consequences to face.

When I look back on my life, I realize that the times that were my lowest valleys were the situations that gave me the wisdom and courage to deal with the situations I face today. They were like a trial by fire to give me the strength of character, and conviction of belief, to take the challenges that life has presented me.

Sometimes good things come easily; sometimes they don't. We need to concentrate on today, what we are doing, and how we are living our lives. I now understand that lows and challenges are a part of living. If you are doing it right, you are still going to face difficulties and frustrations. If your life is nothing but smooth sailing, you probably aren't challenging yourself or taking risks. I also believe that in the long run, those challenges are worth it. Working through those frustrations are how we learn, grow, and become more.