we have this moment

"Tender words, gentle touch, and a good cup of coffee,
and someone who loves me and wants me to stay;
Hold them near while they're here, and don't wait for tomorrow,
To look back and wish for today.

We have this moment to hold in our hand,
and to touch as it slips through our fingers like sand;
Yesterday's gone and tomorrow may never come,
But we have this moment today."

Gloria Gaither wrote that verse. It came to mean a great deal to me when my dear friend Debbie Kaput was ill, and subsequently died at 42 from cancer. There are times in all of our lives that make us appreciate how fragile we really are. Of course, September 11, 2001 was one of those days.

A great deal has been said about that day; the terror, the heroism, and the mind-numbing reality of what was done. People far more eloquent that myself have analyzed and discussed it, and will continue to do so. What I would like to address is about how we move on.

There are few people who saw the devastation of that day that didn't come away changed. Each of us is aware that it easily could have been us in those planes, our office building, and our families mourning. Many of us do have friends and family that are dead and missing. The world is a different place than when I last wrote to you.

Days have passed and most of us are aware that it is our job to get on with the business of living. We must do that for ourselves, and we must do that for bigger reasons. The question is, will you live smaller or bigger as a result of what happened? Do you let it frighten you and make you withdraw, or do you embrace the uncertainty of life and hold your hands out to the people you care about and say "we have THIS moment . . . and I'm not going to waste it on fear."

Fear is an important mechanism in the brain. It protects us. It has its foundation in our animal instinct and we need it to survive. However, fear can be damaging if not controlled. If you let yourself, fear can consume your mind.

Do you know that you are in control of your fear? Fear is just a thought process. You can change your thoughts. You control them. The antidote to fear is knowledge.

Think of something in the past that you were afraid of. Usually we fear what we do not understand, or what we do not control. When we are talking about terrorism, war, and violence we do feel out of control. However, you need to put it in perspective. We tend to make the information around us very personal. It feels like a very real threat to US not just to the world around us.

It comes down to a choice. None of us know how long we will live. I think life is a bit like going to an airport. When people walk around with their bags some are just going a 45-minute hop and some are going 18 hours around the world. However, you don't know by looking at them, which is which. In the same way, we don't know just by looking at someone how long they will live. A healthy child can die unexpectedly while a 90-year-old man that smoked and drank every day may live another 15 years! You don't know how much longer you will live, or how much longer you will have the people in your life around you. You can't protect yourself or anyone else from everything - and if you tried you would not have a life, you would live in a prison.

Fear can be so preoccupying that it leaves you very little time to LIVE. That is where perspective comes into play. You need to use your fear to help you take common-sense precautions. Your fear is what will make you polite and understanding when there are longer delays in airports, when we are questioned a little more carefully when we buy certain things. You cannot, however, let it shut you down. Because this is what you need to know: it is your choice.

Louis Adamic wrote, "Life is like licking honey off a thorn." Wow, do I love that image. There are plenty of sayings in common usage that mean the same thing. Our lives are not perfect in the sense that every day is a joy with no sorrow. Sometimes joy and sorrow are handed to us in the same instant as we cry for the loss of life and cheer at the bravery of men and women who ran into the ashes to help.

We have THIS moment. We don't know what the next will hold, or if it will belong to us, but we have THIS one. It is up to you to make it worth something. It is up to you to turn off the TV and tell the people in your life you love them. It is up to you to get back in your studio or in front of your computer and get back to work on the art that brings you joy.

If you are struggling with grief and having a hard time getting back to work, I'll leave you with this quote from Barbara Sher's great book "I Could Do Anything if I Only Knew What it Was":

"Without an activity that really matters to you, you're going to feel empty, even if you set yourself up in Paradise and are living the life of the rich and famous. If you're not involved in something you truly care about, anyplace can seem like a prison.

And that's not all.

If you think it's selfish to put yourself first like this, think again, because when you're doing the work you love it's a gift to the world as well. Picasso wasn't trying to help anybody. For that matter, Einstein wasn't either, not when he was working on the theory of relativity. They just wanted to do their work. That seemed very important to them and they couldn't get their minds off of it. Their efforts were personal, self-absorbed, even selfish - or at least no one's welfare was in mind when they worked. . . "

"To do "great work" you have to be in love. And with work-love, as with people-love, there's no accounting for chemistry. To live a life that is exciting and fulfilling, you can't do what's "right" you have to do what's right for YOU. In the long run, it is the most generous thing you can do. It can be heartwarming to think you owe it to the world to do what you're best at and what you love most. It gives you the right - by giving you the obligation - to do it."

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