what I know for sure

Last December I wrote an article about ten things I'd learned in the 90's. That article had more response than anything I have ever written. This year I am following up with a very personal article about my own beliefs. These are things that I know in my bones to be true. They are the beliefs with which I run my own life. The order with which I list these things is not indicative of their importance.

I CONTROL MY LIFE BECAUSE I CONTROL MY REACTIONS

In every life you are going to have difficulties and sorrows. For years, however, I had one drama in my life after another. The reason for this was because I created the drama. *I* decided that everything that happened was a drama worthy event. In other words, I was making my own angst!

Today, although difficulties still arise my life is a lot smoother because I have learned that I don't have to respond like a Victorian maiden to every little injustice or problem. We are so much bigger than our problems. In the end, most of what happens to us in life won't be remembered. I choose to expend my energy on things that matter and let the rest just roll off my back.

This is the ultimate acknowledgement of responsibility for our lives. If you fully embrace this it means that if you suffer it is because you choose to suffer. For example, if a loved one dies and you do not know it you do not grieve. When you find out you grieve because you have chosen that course. Equally, you can choose to mourn, and then choose to rejoice in the time you had with them.

Understanding that you are in control requires true integrity.

WHAT YOU FOCUS ON EXPANDS

Oprah recently wrote, Every time you invest energy into something negative, you are honing your ability to detect faults. Wayne Dyer wrote, "You always have the choice to be love finding or fault finding. The faultfinder focuses on what is wrong and what is missing. That focus shows up as criticism, judgment, and anger. If you are using your mind to think what is wrong and what is lacking, that is precisely what will manifest for you."

DON'T COMPLAIN, DON'T EXPLAIN

I am still working on the "don't complain" part. This belief goes back to an earlier belief that the truth is proof of itself. Defending and action or idea does not make it truer. It is what it is. If people don't want to believe you, you cannot change their minds because they are not seeing what you are seeing.

We have to let go of our need for approval and our need to be right. What is being right? The world is so full. There are so many ways to look at any situation. Think how much fuller our lives would be if we could just believe that others had a right to their own, different, opinions, ideas and beliefs. Your opinion is nothing by your own point of view based upon your own life and beliefs. It is not necessarily even true. Think how many times something you were sure about turned out to be "wrong".

The idea of not complaining comes again from what you focus on. When we complain we are focusing on the absence of love in our lives. When our hearts are filled with gratitude it cannot focus on what is missing. As Maya Angelou says "Whining is unbecoming."

FOCUS ON THE LESSON

I am working on learning to view obstacles in my life as lessons. I believe that everything that happens in my life does so for a reason, and I am trying to be grateful. This shift in perception has been profound, as I am not constantly looking for what I can learn and for that reason I notice less the inconvenience of the obstacle.

TRUST YOUR INSTINCT

There is a part of you that KNOWS what you were born to be. It is like an inner compass that will direct you if you can quiet your fears long enough to hear it.

DO NOT JUDGE, DO NOT GOSSIP, DO NOT TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY

Judgment and gossip is generally just a way for us to feel right about our own point of view or our own lives by contrasting it against another person's actions. Judgment and gossip are also a way for us not to work on our own life's mission while keeping busy. It is easy to be judgmental. Working on your own life takes effort, risk, and tenacity.

Wayne Dyer says, "The real doers of the world have no time for criticizing others. They are too busy doing. Doers do. Critics blame and complain."

When you take something personally, you are making the assumption that everything is about us. The truth is that nothing other people do is because of you.

SECURITY IS THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU CAN HANDLE ANYTHING

I love that statement.

My favorite quote of the year came from Martha Stewart in an interview in Oprah's magazine. She said (my paraphrase) that she felt that she could almost bend steel with her mind. I have had glimpses of that power. I would love to have the mastery of my own mind and spirit that she obviously does. (And I will!)

You can be anything you choose. I often tell friends that the reason that I do extraordinary things is simply that I have the audacity to try them. If you believe in yourself, there is almost nothing that is beyond your capability. You just have to keep at it, keep learning, and you will succeed.

I believe that God will guide and provide for my anything I need - as long as I ask and have faith. Asking and faith are the hard parts.

WORRY ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING

A friend sent me this in an e-mail: "As yourself this; is there anything that will ever change as a result of my worrying about it?"

You can spend the rest of your life worrying about something and it won't change one thing. Worry is just a way to distract us from faith and action.

THERE IS NO ONE RIGHT WAY

This goes along with the need to be right - but I have listed it separate because I think it is so important. There are so many ways to see the world. I often quote Priscilla Hauser on painting when she says, "There are many ways of right." That is true in life too. Life is not nearly as absolute as we like to think. Be a little easier on yourself.

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