self-promotion vs. bragging

Q. I really struggle with talking about myself. I was at a Convention earlier this year and afterwards a friend came away with three agreements for magazine articles and I walked away with nothing. I know that my work is as good as hers but she seems to have the gift of gab. When she talks about her accomplishments, it doesn't come off as being pushy, but when I do it I feel like I'm bragging. I know I need to get over this. Any suggestions?

A. Congratulations on being wise enough to understand that you do need to be able to talk about your work to get ahead. One of the challenges we face is that our society does tell us that talking about our accomplishments (especially women) is bragging. The truth is, sometimes it is bragging - what matters is the context.

If you are asked about what you are doing, answering honestly is NOT bragging. If you are talking to an industry peer or an Editor, it is not bragging to say "I'd like to tell you about my latest project".

According to Dictionary.com, bragging is defined as follows:

"Brag \Brag\, v. i. [OE. braggen to resound, blow, boast (cf. F. braguer to lead a merry life, flaunt, boast, OF. brague merriment), from Icel. braka to creak, brak noise, fr. the same root as E. break; properly then, to make a noise, boast. ?] To talk about one's self, or things pertaining to one's self, in a manner intended to excite admiration, envy, or wonder; to talk boastfully; to boast; -- often followed by of; as, to brag of one's exploits, courage, or money, or of the great things one intends to do.

Conceit, more rich in matter than in words, Brags of his substance, not of ornament. --Shak.

Syn: To swagger; boast; vapor; bluster; vaunt; flourish; talk big."

In other words, bragging often involves exaggeration, or talking to make yourself feel more important. It is not bragging to talk about one's accomplishments in a professional setting - especially not when the purpose of the event is to network!

Q. Is there a way I can get the word out about myself without having to talk about myself directly?

A. Yes, but you should also learn to feel comfortable talking about what you have done. For heavens sake, you should be proud of yourself! Every new thing you do represents a risk you took, a challenge you conquered. Other people will be interested.

However, if you don't feel like you can do that, or if you need something to get the conversation started, consider a) press releases each time you have a new project or accomplishment (there are many books on marketing that can outline the basics of a good, and simple, press release.), and b) a press kit. A press kit should include a photo, photos of your work, tear sheets of and articles about you, or articles you have written, a biography, etc. This can give an Editor a reason to contact you.

Q. But if I do a press release, or a press kit, I still have to talk about myself - just on paper! That might even be harder!

A. I think that many artists have a Cinderella complex. No offence intended. It's just that often artists tell me that if they just had someone willing to go out and sell their work (the proverbial fairy godmother), they could do great things. Well, we'd all love that, but most people don't get it. Doing PR for yourself is part of getting yourself established, just like joining trade groups, purchasing supplies, and the many other tasks you must do. Once you become established, you may be able to convince an agent to carry your work for you so that you can stay in your studio and work, but until then, you have to learn to tell people who you are and what you do.

Just because you are talking, doesn't mean someone is listening. If people aren't interested, they will let you know. In most cases, people will be happy for your success, so joyfully share your good news - and be willing to ask questions and listen with a glad heart to the successes of those around you!

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