respect

In an issue of "O" (Oprah) Magazine, the "What I Know For Sure" column talked about intimacy - which was the theme of that issue. In it, Oprah said something that has resonated with me since I read it.

"What I know for sure is that a lack of intimacy is not distance for someone else; it is disregard for yourself. It is true that we all need the kind of relationships that enrich and sustain us. But it's also true that if you're looking for someone to heal and complete you - to shush that voice inside you that has always whispered, You're not worth anything - you are wasting time. Why? Because if you don't already know that you have worth, there's nothing your friends, your family, or your mate can say that will completely assure you of that. The Creator has given you full responsibility for your life, and with that responsibility comes an amazing privilege - the power to give yourself the love, affection, and intimacy you may not have received as a child."

That is powerful stuff!

Having worked with quite a few clients when I did private coaching, I have found - to my great surprise - that a feeling of "unworthiness" is startlingly prevalent. I hear it in many forms. Many clients tell me that when they try to set a goal, or think of something they'd like to have, they hear theirinner critic say, "you aren't worthy". Sometimes they talk of "rules" or fears of failure or being laughed at by their peers.

If this is something that you struggle with, I'd like you to consider this. What makes someone worthy? Who makes the rule (in your life) as to what it takes to be worthy? (Or good enough, or knowledgeable enough, or whatever you own critic likes to put in your face to make you feel rotten . . .)

You need to understand that there are no rules. I mean there is no standard you can live up to that makes you "worthy". If you are playing that game with yourself, you are always going to feel rotten about yourself because like a slight-of-hand trick there is no shell you can pick up and find the "worthiness" prize.

If you were told that you were unworthy at some point in your life, now would be a good time to think about the person that told you that. Is that really someone whose word you want to take about who you are? What made that person qualified to judge anyone?

Remember that your "inner critic" belongs to you. When we are children, society and family uses guilt, and other coercive measures to keep us on the straight and narrow. The purpose is to help us learn right from wrong - and to keep us under their control. Unfortunately, many of us never get off that leash - let alone realize that we are holding both ends.

The "inner critic" inside your head is inside YOUR head. It is just a thought, and like any thought you can change it. Treat it like a two year old about to have a tantrum and distract it. If you do it enough, you will disrupt that pattern of behavior and the old recording will play less often. When it does play, you choose whether to believe it, or to say to yourself, "Oh, that's the old recording of my ____ (fill in the blank; mother, father, teacher, husband - whatever voice you hear). Listening to that is just an old habit. I'm ready to move on from that. They do not control me anymore."

In the end, it comes down to respect for yourself. You need to stop letting the voices of your past make you feel like less than you are. You are so much more than that and listening to doubt, or negative feelings about yourself, only keep you from being all that you can be. Deep inside you KNOW that you ARE worthy of whatever good life hands you, and whatever good you go after. You were put on this planet to make a difference, to enjoy every second, to experience and embrace the best life has to offer, and to do it all with love.
Make a choice to respect yourself as you respect those in your life.

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