finding your purpose: a q & a session with tera

Q. TERA, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP!

A. LOL. What does it mean to grow up? I've never quite known what that meant.

Q. OKAY, I'LL BE A BIT MORE SPECIFIC. HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO WITH MY LIFE?

A. That isn't something I can tell you. In the most recent issue of O Magazine, Oprah Winfrey said something like "If you don't know, who would?"

Perhaps you need to let go of the idea that there is only one thing that you are meant to do. What are you interested in? When it is quiet and you think about that ideal life that you didn't have, what do you imagine yourself being and doing? If money and time were no object, what would you do? Only you know the answer to those questions. The scary part is writing them down, saying them out loud, and making a commitment.

Here is what helps - you only have to put one foot in front of the other and learn. You might learn that what you thought would be great isn't so interesting at all. You may learn that it is more interesting than you ever imagined. Your goals should evolve but eventually you will find that you start to stay on the same track. You may think you want to do 20 things, but you eventually narrow them down to four or five as you learn more about the field.

The goal is to move forward and learn. The rest will take care of itself.

Q. I FIND THE THOUGHT OF THAT TERRIFYING. I SIT DOWN TO START WRITING GOALS AND CAN'T GET MYSELF TO DO IT.

A. Well, join the club. Life isn't easy. (Sorry if that sounds flip, but it is the truth.) You obviously aren't happy where you are - that is why you want change. So, you might as well take a risk. At this point, what do you have to lose?

In all of our lives there are things we don't like. I don't like mopping the floor, but I sure love the way it looks when it is clean. Life has a lot of trade offs. We often have to do things we don't love in order to get the stuff we like - the choice then is do you concentrate on how much you hate to clean the floor or how much you love what it looks like when it is clean. It is a choice, and you make it.

Q. WHAT ABOUT DESTINY?

A. Sorry, what about it? I don't understand the question.

Q. I MEAN WHAT ABOUT THE IDEA THAT WE ARE DESTINED TO DO SOMETHING AND THAT IS WHAT WILL MAKE US HAPPY?

A. I don't personally believe that there is only one thing any of us are meant to do. We are constantly evolving. As we learn and grow, we become more adept at doing other things. There may be a few people who knew what they wanted to do as a child but I don't think most of us fall into that category.

That said, let me give you a metaphor, and then tell you what I think. You know how you have a closet full of clothes. Some things you love, some things you don't really like but you wear when everything else is dirty or when you are feeling particularly masochistic. There are one or two outfits, however, that when you wear everyone complements you on them. You feel great in them. You tend to wear them when you need a little boost, right?

Life is like that. You already know what works but you go out shopping and you buy things because they are on sale or you keep them because they were a Christmas gift from your mother, but you don't really like them. In your heart, when you get quiet or you can really be honest with yourself, you know what works.

That is what I think. You already know. You just have to get quiet, admit to yourself what you are supposed to be doing and then - this is the hard part - admit it and get to work.

Q. WHAT IF MY FRIENDS LAUGH AT ME?

A. Then you need new friends. Would you laugh at one of your friends if they told you their dream?

Q. WHAT IF I NEVER ACHIEVE MY GOAL?

A. Life is the journey getting there. If you are living your life on the way, you are successful. Life is learning and being and doing. It isn't just accolades and achievements.

I can tell you that I have a doctorate, have published one book and am about to publish another, have a product line with a partner featuring our names and photos, have been on Television and in magazines - none of those things make me happy. The good part is what happened along the way. I am proud of my accomplishments. They have challenged me and helped me grow but they don't by default make me happy.

I think the importance of a goal is to keep yourself directed towards things that you are passionate about. That keeps your life interesting and focused.

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