painful lessons

When I am making notes throughout the month about what I want to write in the newsletter, I later find that it is not uncommon for the same theme to reappear in my notes over and over the same month. This month, I had repeatedly written down things and printed email from people asking me about dealing with painful situations.

About that time, I got the second issue of Oprah's magazine. (I hope you have subscribed, because it is truly wonderful.) In it is an interview with Jane Fonda. Oprah makes a comment that really struck me so I wrote it down in my own journal. She said, "Maya Angelou has taught me, when I'm in the deepest pain, to say, "Thank you, God." Because no matter how dark the day, there is a rainbow. So now I say, "God, what are you going to teach me?" And that makes it about the lesson, not the event."

In May, artist Donna Dewberry's daughter died suddenly and unexpectedly. Just a few days ago, artist Mary Engelbreit's son committed suicide. Both of these situations have stayed with me because of the overwhelming pain facing these families. How can you comfort a mother who has lost their child so unexpectedly? How can there be anything worse? Last night as I thought about these family, I kept thinking, "how do you go on from that?"

In "Reflections on the Art of Living", there is a passage about painful lessons. It says, "Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, "this is what I need." It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it was an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to the moment - not discouragement - you will find the strength is there. . . .Nothing can happen to you that is not positive."

Some philosophies are easier to adapt and live than others. This is one that I think would revolutionize our lives if we could really own it. I am trying to thank God when things don't go as planned, but it sure isn't easy.

I remember that when I was a child my dad used to tell me that if I would pinch a cut so that it would bleed a little, it would hurt less later. When I got a bit older and was heartbroken over something, he said, tears are a bit like blood. Sometimes it is less painful if you let them out now. That was his way of telling me to deal with the pain now - don't put it off - and then move on.

It probably doesn't matter how you phrase it; the idea is the same. We are all going to deal with painful situations. I hope that none of you have to go through what these families have gone through recently. Unfortunately pain is relative. Whatever you are currently going through often feels like the worst pain you have ever experienced (like stubbing your toe!) Maybe if we learn to say, "What can I learn?" and "This is what I need", we can shift our focus from the event to the lesson and make the moving on a bit less painful.

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