really living

Life is a funny thing; sometimes the day-to-day grind gets in the way of actually living. Many people make New Year's resolutions. I am not one of them. I figure that if I don't live my life working towards my goals on a daily basis, January 1st is just another day. However, I do think it is important to set goals - sort of a global "to do" list - and to work keep them in front of you because it is really easy to get bogged down.

As many of you know, I keep two journals. One is a written journal that I write in to vent about frustrations, dreams, goals, things that happen, etc. The other is what I call a "trip book". The term trip book comes from the 1960's when people would keep journals that they wrote, colored, drew, painted, etc. in when they were high or "tripping". I have never done drugs, but I like the concept of life as a journey so the term "trip book" became a sort of play on words.

My trip books are filled with mementos of events in my life. The include cards and letters from friends, ticket stubs and commentaries about nights out, cards from wonderful restaurants we want to remember, and more. I have created these trip books since I was 18 years old, and I have just started book number 24. These books are large bound sketchbooks that I paint and decorate. They are about 250 pages each. I am 35 years old, so that is 24 books in 17 years. In the early years, it was not uncommon for me to complete a book in a few weeks or months. The last book took over a year and a half to get through.

The point of telling you all of this is that I have realized that the older I get, the less I live. The more responsibility I take on, the less time I take to spend time with friends, to do wonderful things worth memorializing. I spend less time writing down the funny things people have said. Instead, I work 12 - 15 hour days seven days a week. I have begun to live for work - and as a result that work has become less satisfying.

When I was a kid, the soap opera "Days of our Lives" began with McDonald Carey (I can't believe that I remember that!) saying, "Like the sands of the hour glass, so are the days of our lives." (I don't watch TV, so I don't know if that show is still on. Maybe he still says it.) As I was starting up a new book, I realized that as I get older I understand what this means. Time slips by so quickly. What are we doing with it?

It seems incredibly arrogant to pretend that our time on earth is unlimited. We don't know how long we have with the people we love. I have said before that when I look back on school, I don't remember the lectures, but I do remember recess, and lunch hour, and field trips.

Somewhere there must be a compromise between working - even when we love what we do - and living life to the fullest. January is about to slip into February and I think it is a good time to take stock of our lives. This year I am trying to live a more balanced life. I have realized that my family has felt very neglected over the past couple of years. I am trying to give them more "quality time". For me "quality time" means that the time that I do spend is solely focused.

Think about your life. The days slip by so quickly. Are you living your life, or are you getting through it? Are you storing up memories for yourself and those you love, or are you working to give to attain things while letting go of relationships and sacrificing those you love? Take stock and consider the balance of your life.

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