the fabulousness of imperfection

Every year there seems to be a theme that emerges of a lesson that life was handing me. When I look back on 2000, I think the message for me was about letting go of perfection. (For the year 2001 I've requested a really easy lesson - like the importance of keeping my toenails polished.)

I was reading an article online a few days ago that said that we should redefine our lives so that what we are is perfect. I think that is a lovely idea. I have tried to pretend I was "perfect" and always came up feeling worse. That is because my own definition of perfection is a standard that set me up to compare myself to traits in other people I felt were perfect. The fact is that I am never going to look like Sela Ward (my own vision of the perfect woman physically) so defining myself as "perfect" is a lie.

The challenge of accepting ourselves as perfect is that we are multifaceted. Lets say that you can accept yourself as being talented as an artist and that gives you great confidence, but you feel horrible about yourself physically. Those things will intermingle and affect the way that you project yourself to the world.

So, where do we go from there??? I can't be Sela Ward, therefore I can't be perfect, and therefore I can't be happy! ARG!

The thing about comparing ourselves to other people is that we make broad assumptions. When I think about Sela Ward, for example, I'm sure that she has every character trait that I long for - beyond just her physical beauty. I'm sure she lives in a beautiful home (I'm sure she decorated it herself) that is always clean. She probably has her cats bathed so they don't shed. I'm sure she not only chooses perfect gifts but they are always wrapped perfectly. I bet she doesn't even bite her nails. *hrm*

You know that is stupid, right? (Nothing against Sela . . .) No one is perfect but when we compare ourselves to other people we compare the REALITY of our own lives with our VISION of someone else's life.

Have you ever seen a photo of yourself that was taken at the perfect moment? (This happens once every 15 years or so.) You look thin, your skin looks clear, your make up isn't smeared. Then there is one taken ten minutes later and you are slouching, your tummy is sticking out, your eyes are closed and your mouth is hanging open. Snapshots capture one tiny second in time. (That doesn't keep you from having 50 copies of the perfect photo made to send to all your friends that have been asking you for a photo!) Our vision of other people and their lives are like those snapshots. They are one-dimensional snapshots and therefore unrealistic when compared with our entire lives.

When we compare ourselves to other people, we create our own insecurity because we never measure up. I don't think that insecurity in and of itself is a bad thing. For one thing, it drives us to become better. It makes us want to improve and evolve. It is when insecurity creates self-destructive behavior that we have to rein it in.

So, how do we make the jump from thinking of ourselves as perfect to embracing our own imperfections? Beats me!

No, no, just kidding!

At some point late this year I finally understood that there is no such thing as perfection. There is no standard that you can meet. What you think is perfect, another person might think of as wanting. And that is really the key; what another person would find wanting. The pursuit of perfection is the pursuit of approval. There is no such thing as universal perfection. You can never please everyone. So, as the song goes; you've got to please yourself.

If I am really honest, there are a lot of things I like about myself. However, it isn't DONE to think of ourselves as perfect. You know that, right? If you think about yourself as perfect you are a snob, you are arrogant . . . yep, one more reason to feel rotten about yourself. That is societal conditioning stepping in.

So . . . lets ignore Society for a minute. Lets make a list of good things. For example, I like my fat bottom lip. Makeup artists hate it and always want to overdraw my top lip to match. Not me, I highlight the bottom lip to make it look bigger!

You know what else? I really like my feet. Size 8 and a half and nothing to write home about, I just think they are nice. No one else has ever commented on them. No man has ever fallen in love with me because of them. I just think they are pretty cool as feet go.

There is something else that I really like about myself . . . I'm completely childish. Nothing makes me laugh like something totally inappropriate. I love attention and to shock.

Wait a minute; look at this list! The things I like about myself are things that make me unique. In fact, some might say they are things that make me IMPERFECT! I'm sure Sela Ward has size 6 feet and shoes that men drink Champagne from. You could drink a whole lot more champagne from my shoes, but frankly you wouldn't want to.

I think the trick here is to narrow our focus. Who cares what Sela Ward (fill in the blank with your own personal perfection idol) is or does? Instead, make a list of the really great things about you. Keep it private. Forget perfection, concentrate on what pleases you and makes you proud or happy. You like the little pooch of your belly? Who cares that society worships flat tummies? Concentrate on you - and stop looking for approval from other people who are frankly so busy comparing themselves with Sela Ward they haven't even thought about you.

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