a little help from our friends

Usually during the month readers will write to me with questions, or something will come up in my own life that I want to share. For the first time nothing really hit me to write about. I can't say that it was truly "writers block" as I started several different articles that would have been just fine . . . it is just that I like the articles to be from my heart.

February was a hard month for me because I spent it in bed sick. During that time I did a lot of thinking about my life. I realized that there were several areas that I was not really in control over. I was blessed to have a couple of friends willing to listen to my rambling (and keep me company during all those hours in bed.) Later in the month, I wrote to an online mailing list that I participate in about another problem I have had, and there was an outpouring of support and helpful advice.

Last night, what I wanted to write about hit me; it is the importance of having a support network.

Because I write this newsletter and have the Tera's Wish site, sometimes people think I have my life perfectly together. That could not be farther from the truth. I write about the challenges of my own life, the things that I am processing myself. Something I know from this is that sometimes you have to learn lessons more than once! You may *know* something but you conveniently forget to apply it to your life until reminded. That is where friends come in.

You need to have true friends. I am inspired by Maya Angelou's discussion with Oprah about friends. She says that you need to cut all poison from your life. Oprah says that Maya will actually ask people to leave her house if they are gossiping or spreading poison.

Keeping poison from your life does not just apply to friends. I believe that everything we put into our brains has an effect. For that reason I will not watch films or TV about violence. I just do not need that in my life. Life is going to hand you your share of difficulty, why add to it? Garbage in / Garbage out.

So, how do you know if you have true friends? True friends will tell you the truth if you ask for it, even if you don't like it. True friends will not cut you down or criticize your choices. (Nothing makes me crazier than a person who tells you, after the fact, that they *knew* before you acted that you shouldn't do something. Why didn't they tell you if they knew?) If you ask for the truth, and it is not something you are going to want to hear, a true friend will give you the truth AND will offer suggestions and support to make a change. A false friend will delight in your hardship and say, "I told you so!" A true friend will delight in your success, and commiserate in your challenges.

Sometimes people will keep poisonous friends around because they are afraid to be alone. The truth is that if you cut negative people from your life you make space for good friends. A good person may be out there and want to get to know you but think you must be like your poisonous friends. By cutting people who are not supportive out of your life you MAKE ROOM for good people! You announce your intention to the universe that you deserve good friends because you are a good friend.

Having a support network does not mean only sharing your life with people who "kiss up" to you. Real friendship takes work and respect. A real friend will not try to poison your ambition, but neither will they lie to you to make you feel better. Trust is something that once lost is hard to regain. Give your friends the gift of loving honesty, and expect it in return.

This month, think about the people in your life. Decide who should stay and send them an email about how much they mean to you. For those you want to faze out of your life, make a plan. Perhaps it is as easy as avoiding places where you would meet them, or turning down invitations from them. In other circumstances you may need to practice loving honesty for them and explain why you need time away from them. Weed your bed of friendships and watch them bloom!

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