art guilt

This is a topic that I was asked to address by one of our subscribers. In doing so, I'd like to quote an email sent to the ToleNet mailing list last year. In response to a question to the list that said" I feel so guilty when I sit down for a couple of hours to paint something!" artist Lorraine Ulenn wrote:

"My mother crocheted beautifully, but like many women, felt she needed to put everyone and everything else before her own desire to create. When she died, she left a clean house, a closet full of things saved for "good", and a smattering of items she had made. I wish she had left a lot more dust and many more things I could hold and know her hands made them. I wish she had felt herself worthy of the good china and linens, and the joy that she felt when she finished a delicate piece of clothing. I know that I felt she was worthy of them.

I think we are ALL worthy of the joy that our passions bring us."

I have kept this email and read it about once a month when I was feeling like I should be doing "real" work instead of keeping on with my commitment to write full time. All of us have different reasons for our "guilt" but it is all from societal pressure to do something worthwhile.

I don't think I could phrase it any more eloquently than Lorraine did in her message. She is absolutely right. We are all worthy of the joy - and the time - it takes to develop our passions.

Many women have written to me about their children and feeling like their kids take up too much time for them to be able to create. I don't have children, but this is what I believe; if you tell your children that you are not worthy of the time it takes for your creative passions, you are sending them two messages. First, that YOU are not worthy, and second that THEY won't be worthy when they grow up and have children.

My own mother was a wonderful example of womanhood for me. She worked and she created. She painted, sewed, made dolls . . . her life was not an easy one, but she always made time for what she loved. Probably not as much time as she would have liked, but she still did it. As a result, I grew up with the belief that you can do what you want to do if you are willing to get your priorities right.

Guilt is a useless emotion. It is a societal manipulation technique to make you conform to a specific form of behavior. If you feel guilt because you have done something wrong, make it right. If you feel guilt for spending too much time on yourself; figure out who determines that amount. Is your family fed and clothed and sheltered? Who do you think is going to punish you if you spend time on your art?

One last thought. As most of you know, I am a born-again Christian. I take my art and my spirituality very seriously. This is my belief; God gave you your talent to use. When you get to heaven do you think God is going to scold you for the dust or embrace you for the manifestations of your talent? I believe in a loving God.

If you don't believe in a God, you may think of this as Karma. Are you putting your energies in making the world a better place through your art, or are you chasing dust bunnies that no one will ever see or care about?

In the end, I'd far rather be known as a talented artist with a dirty house, than an immaculate housekeeper.

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