coping with change

A few years ago,I had the pleasure of having lunch with two old friends. During the conversation they were talking about moving to another state and how scary that was. I said, quite innocently, "Well, if you don't like it, you can always move back!" The two of them looked at me like I had grown another head. Then they looked at each other and burst into laughter.

Eventually they explained that in all of their conversations and plans, it had simply never occurred to them that what they were doing was reversible. It was an "all or nothing" proposition in their minds. My simple comment pointed out the obvious - but sometimes the obvious isn't the easiest thing to see.

On this I talk about the person who decides when they are five years old that they will be a doctor, and they work their whole lives towards that goal. As a nation, Americans tend to think that way. You decide what you want to do after high school, and you go after it, become it, and then retire.

There is a flip side to this, however. That is that most of us don't have a clue what we want to do with our lives at that age. The older we get, the more we understand about ourselves, and the more likely we are to want something very different indeed. However, taking a risk is scary if we forget that you can always go back.

When I go back I don't mean erase time. You might not move back to the same house or the same neighborhood. You don't, however, have to spend your entire life someplace because of a single decision. Life is a journey. The best lives are like a sailboat tacking against the wind. We try something, we learn. We try something else, we learn, and so on.

When people talk to me about goal setting, they seem to think that they must decide today what they want forever. That isn't what goals are about. Goals are simply an impetus to keep us moving forward. Goals help us see what we are interested in so that we can go on to the next thing and learn. For this reason, I suggest that you review your goals on a regular basis. As you learn about yourself and life, your goals should change.

None of us know what forever means. For you, forever might be another 60 years or another six minutes. Concentrate on what brings you joy. Listen to your heart. Make goals that excite and inspire you. Don't worry about forever. Forever takes care of itself one day, one minute at a time.

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