coping with change

I wrote this article at a time when I had recently moved to Northern California for a two year stint. Not long before this, I wrote about appreciating life as a journey - and the understanding that not being able to control one situation in your life is not the same as being out of control. Many of you wrote to me in response to that article, so I thought I owed it to you to follow up with the results of my journey.

As someone who genuinely enjoys change, and tends to get bored if things are stagnant for too long, this move has been somewhat traumatic. Part of it was that the timing was simply lousy. Weeks away from my then-husband, a three day move, followed by three days of unpacking and then seven days in Nashville for a very important convention.

Simply put, I have felt out of sorts for weeks. (Okay, make that crabby.)

Instead of wallowing in self-pity - which sounded like a viable option for a few fun-filled days of PMS - I reminded myself of one inalienable truth; attitude and focus are everything. (Is that two inalienable truths?)

I started with a list of the good stuff happening in my life. That always shifts my focus onto the good stuff instead of the challenging. As a fairly upbeat person, this is always pretty easy for me. Next, I thought about my attitude.

The thing about trying to live a life of grace, about being passionate about what you do, and about living a public life and writing about it once a month . . . is that Big Brother (or in my case since most of my subscribers are women Big Sister) is watching. When I really feel like going to bed with a box of red licorice and watching Oprah instead of working, I remember that every month I write to all of you and share my thoughts about life. If I don't practice what I preach what is the value of it?

To put it mildly, I needed a mental chiropractor for an attitude adjustment! Unfortunately, in order to change your attitude; you actually have to want to. At the moment, crabby was working for me. Crabby felt comfortable like that ratty old robe you kept from college and wore until it fell apart (or until your boyfriend made fun of it.)

The other thing about being crabby is that it keeps you where you are. It tells you that you don't REALLY need to go to the grocery store, find the hardware store, or do all those other things on your list because that would be difficult and painful and require you to take a RISK! The crabby girl within enables you to stay at home, find a new robe to make ratty, and tells you that you can shower tomorrow! (Or maybe that is just me.)

Fortunately, I have a very active conscience. It reminded me (daily and loudly) that life is what you make it, and successful people are those who respond to difficulties and adversities in a positive way.

(By the way, my crabby girl within looks and sounds just like Bette Midler. The angel of my conscience looks and sounds just like Meg Ryan. How can you not listen to Meg? Sure, Bette may be louder and more compelling, but would Meg lie to you? No. Meg is kind and compelling and just wears you down with all that cute.)

So, Meg and I had a heart to heart and I realized that it was time to let go of my self-pity and fear, and get down to business. I made a list of the things I was dreading and realized there were just four. Four. That's nothing. My good things list was four times that at least! Four was doable.

Next, I wrote down one thing I could do that day towards handling each of the problems. Piece of cake.

Finally, I read through my margin notes from Don Miguel Ruiz' The Four Agreements . This book is truly life changing. The principles in it also make Crabby Bette seem very immature and unimportant.

It is easy to write things like "just do it", but the reality of living your life with integrity and passion is not so easy. No simple slogan is going to make someone jump off the couch and change their lives. Even the most dedicated person is going to slide into crabby from time to time. That's okay as long as you don't stay there.

Every day is a challenge. Don't worry about yesterday. It is irrelevant to what is happening today. What is important is how you meet the challenges of your life today. If you need a day or two to be scared or frustrated, let yourself go. Then, pick yourself up and move on and keep moving.

*** If you enjoyed this article, you can subscribe to Tera's online newsletter!
Click HERE to subscribe. It's free!***